Here’s a great deal — read the first five pages of Bill Eddy’s new book The Future of Family Court, to decide if you want to buy it.  I’m just starting the book myself and will post after I’ve finished it, but for now, you can start it on your own and then know that you’ll want to spend the $9.95.

Bill’s website has lots of other great content and articles.

In 2008, Matthew Sullivan[1] wrote what is just a fantastic article in the Journal of Child Custody.[2]   Titled Coparenting and the Parenting Coordination Process, it pulls together the essence of parenting coordination, its purpose and reason for being, and the parenting structures and characteristics that are best addressed through parenting coordination.    (Note that the article must be purchased by non-subscribers to the JCC.)     The article stresses parallel parenting as the most logical and practical alternative to high-conflict, high engagement coparenting.   Sullivan’s article goes into great detail about the levels of engagement and conflict and how those levels can be adjusted with the help of an effective Parenting Coordinator.

Relating to parallel parenting, parents are often relieved to hear the findings of Joan Kelly’s research to the effect that children whose parents engage in low conflict parallel parenting also appear to thrive, as long as they have adequate parenting in both homes and well articulated parenting agreements . . .[3] (Emphasis added)

Parents’ expectations for post-divorce coparenting are often too high, with one or both parents feeling like failures if they are not engaged in amicable parenting banter with the other parent with great frequency and enthusiasm.   Part of the job of the Parenting Coordinator is to help adjust the parents’ expectations and help them realize that high (frequent) engagement with each other may be the problem, not the solution.   Parallel parenting supports low engagement between the parents, to the benefit of the children.    Good parenting may not mean daily or weekly contact with the other parent; good parenting can mean staying away from the other parent as much as possible.   See Dr. Philip Stahl’s article on parallel parenting here for more specifics and information about that process.

To me, the most important part of Kelly’s statement above is the need for “well articulated parenting agreements”.   As a PC, I am constantly lamenting that parents I work with were doomed from the start by a “horrible”, “pathetic”, “miserable” Parenting Plan (or whatever other derogatory adjectives I come up with on occasion).   (See my previous post’s rant on vague and useless JCA provisions.)

Rather than continuing to complain about Doomsday Parenting Plans, I set myself a goal:   to create a Parenting Plan that I don’t consider lacking and that already includes many of the Recommendations I am forced to make in many/ most PC cases as soon as I’m appointed.   If I already know what holes generally need to be plugged in a “lacking” Parenting Plan, I want to plug those holes up front, and then see what other leaks spring up.

To that end, I told myself that a good Parenting Plan:

• Is specific as to days and TIMES of day;
• Doesn’t require a lot of communication between the parents to figure out who has the children and when;
• Uses the word “reasonable” as little as possible, because high-conflict parents don’t agree on its definition;
• Does not use the word “flexible”, for the same reason as above;
• Sets expectations for the autonomy of each parent, without undue influence from the other;
• Covers most of the complaints and disagreements I hear about vacation scheduling with the children;
• Recognizes the assumption that each parent will exercise good parental judgment when caring for the children, without interference from the other; and
• Both allows and requires each parent to keep himself and herself aware of the children’s school work, activities, schedules, medical care and other important information, so that one parent is not the gatekeeper for all information.

I get asked all the time “How do I get basic training in Parenting Coordination?  Who’s providing it?”    I always have to answer that it’s necessary to travel out of state for the training.  While Arizona can offer some training, it’s just not possible to have intensive, core training on a regular or annual basis.

The APA is offering Core Parenting Coordination training.   I know two of the three presenters very well (Dr. Deutsch and Dr. Carter), and this will be a great training.  Yes, it requires going to Orlando in July/ August, but it’s worth it if you’re serious about the training.   It’s a pre-APA conference seminar and you do not have to register or attend the APA conference to go to this training.

The two-day training cost (for non-APA members) is $390, which is a bargain.  Of course you’ll have air fare and at least two nights in a hotel in Orlando on top of that.  If you’re serious about getting core training once and for all, this is a seminar I highly recommend.  I attended the Advanced Parenting Coordination training put on by APA in 2010 (and yes, that was in San Diego—sorry) and it was outstanding.

Parenting Plans in Maricopa County, Arizona, need sprucing up in general.   Many attorneys are like me:  We have a form or forms that are used in almost all cases, with sometimes minimal customization for a given case.  Many clients ask that their parenting plan have the “usual” clauses in them, and when they don’t want to make decisions, they simply ask for the default Plan.   “What’s a ‘normal’ way to treat Winter Break?”

It’s often difficult at the divorce stage to know what customization is needed for a particular family, as the dynamics during the case change once the case is resolved and a Decree is entered.   We are all  painfully aware of those high-conflict cases where it’s difficult to get any JCA/ Parenting Plan at all finalized. By the time numerous drafts have been exchanged and dozens of letters and emails delivered with proposed language,  attorneys and clients sometimes agree (in a state of utter exhaustion) to use language in the Plan that is vague, general, aspirational, and of little use when a real conflict arises.  Which it will inevitably do.

Here are some sorry clauses that I found in very general JCA/ Parenting Plans that we still see in use:

• Telephone and e-mail contact between the children and the parents will always be reasonably open and available.     If the parents agree on what is “reasonable”, this section is not a problem.    Those parents never seem to come into my office.
• The parents will consult with each other regarding all medical treatment of a non-emergency nature for the children.     Any idea what this means?  Is “consultation” before making a well-child appointment, or arrangements for a sports-required physical really necessary?  Is the presence of both parents (and often stepparents) really necessary at these types of appointments?
• The parent with whom the children are residing will take responsibility for meeting medical and dental emergencies.  It is understood that some decisions must be made on an emergency basis and, in such event, each parent acknowledges the other parent’s authority to make decisions to ensure the children’s welfare.    That’s a very nice acknowledgment and statement, and it’s good to know that the children will get emergency attention when necessary. But where are the provisions about notification to the other parent in the event of an emergency?
• If either parent has any knowledge of any significant illness or accident or circumstance affecting the children’s health or general welfare, that parent will promptly notify the other of such circumstances.    Again, this statement works great if the parents can agree to what’s “significant”, what affects a child’s “health or general welfare”, and what “promptly” means.
• The parents shall promptly inform one another of any emergency or other important event that involves the children.   “Promptly” and “important event” are generally in the eye of the beholder.
• Each parent shall inform the other parent of any change in his/her address or telephone number within seven (7) days of the change.    Really?  So the other parent should happily allow the children to go somewhere for parenting time for up to a week without knowing where the children are sleeping at night?  That doesn’t seem reasonable.  Why would a parent get less notice of the change of address than the electric company gets?
• Should the needs of the children change, or should a parent’s ability to meet those needs change, the parents will confer and seek resolution of any concerns.   This sentiment is nice, but really doesn’t add much guidance for high-conflict parents.  What is a “change” of the children’s needs (and the parents generally don’t agree on that)?  What does “confer and seek resolution” mean in a practical sense?
• If, through unforeseeable circumstances, either parent is unable to follow through with time-sharing arrangements as set forth herein, that parent will notify the other as soon as is reasonably possible.   This statement leaves all kinds of room for disagreement:   the circumstances weren’t unforeseeable—he’s been traveling for work for years!   And what does “notification” to the other parent mean—that the other parent is required to cancel whatever s/he has going on to take care of the children?   It just doesn’t say.
•  Each parent will exert his or her best effort to work cooperatively in future plans consistent with the best interest of the children and to amicably resolve any disputes as may arise.   This statement seems completely useless.  If parents are going to do these things, they don’t need it stated in a contract (Plan).   If they’re not going to use “best efforts or work cooperatively”, then including this statement isn’t going to make it happen.   It’s unenforceable.    Aspirational statements like this may be okay for most separating parents, but for the ones who are headed for a high-conflict situation, it’s meaningless.

I’m going to do my best to keep meaningless and vague provisions out of my future Joint Custody Agreements, and to stop kidding myself that these Sections help parents navigate co-parenting.  Attorneys with years of experience in family disputes can do a much better job writing JCAs that will actually offer parents guidance in what to do in specific situations.  And if you’re an attorney who has updated your JCAs to do away with these vague provisions in favor of useful information for the parents, bravo.

A Forbes blogger just put out an excellent article — accurately titled Divorce Lawyers — Frequently Not the Best Tax Advisors.                                  The three examples given in the article  —- claiming dependency exemptions, the deductibility of spousal maintenance, and the claim of ‘innocent spouse’ —- are in fact the most common tax problems most people will encounter in a divorce situation.   The post includes links to recent applicable IRS decisions.    It bears repeating, again and again:   ALWAYS get independent tax advice from your CPA or other tax professional during your divorce.     ALWAYS.

What a terrific article about and interview with Marsha Ternus.  She is the former Chief Justice of the Iowa Supreme Court who signed off on a unanimous opinion upholding same-gender marriage in Iowa.  As a result, Justice Ternus and two other Supreme Court justices were removed from their positions in the state’s next retention vote.    Just reading about her life and the thought process that the Iowa Supreme Court went through in making that decision makes me feel better about the justice system.    It’s not so hard to imagine that this issue will reach the Arizona Supreme Court one day, and Arizona has the same type of judicial retention voting process.    We’ll need to be diligent in getting out the retention votes to keep dedicated judges like this on the bench.

UPDATE:   Gov. Brewer signed SB1127 on May 9, so the changes t0 Title 25 (403, and others) will be going into effect December 31, 2012.

Arizona’s custody and parenting time statute has changed in format over the years, but the actual factors that the court must consider in awarding custody and parenting time haven’t dramatically changed until now.  SB1127 has passed out of the Senate and House this legislative term and it looks like those statutory changes are on their way to being adopted.   Here’s the SB1127FactSheet with the narrative of what will be changed in ARS 25-403.  There are also changes to ARS 25-415 regarding in loco parentis rights.

The effective date as of now will be 12/31/2012.

What a great series of articles from Michigan family law attorney Jeanne Hannah’s blog!   Her articles about co-parenting, parallel parenting, and uncooperative and high conflict parents (several have been published over the last few months) are terrific.     It’s so great to see a family lawyer who’s not only interested in reducing the conflict (most of us are) but actually publishing about it and trying to spread the word about solutions for high conflict cases.

Here’s the chart where you can see not only Twitter’s astronomical growth beginning roughly at the end of first quarter 2009—-but by filling in your Twitter handle, your own join date will be plotted onto the graph.     Were you among the first 10% on Twitter?

I saw this video on the Family Law Professor Blog about Texas’ new online, fill-out-your-own-Divorce-Petition process.   Arizona of course has had this process for years, at EZCourtForms.   One part of the video says that divorce lawyers aren’t too happy about the do-it-yourself forms.  I haven’t found that to be true.    I think divorce lawyers know that there’s a need for those services.  Unfortunately, we’ve also found that the do-it-yourself forms can be a source of business for us later, after the mistakes made by the forms are discovered by the parties.     Using those forms, without legal advice, for any case where children are involved, or where there’s any kind of deferred compensation or pension involved, could be a big, expensive mistake.