Here’s something family lawyers get asked all the time: How do we tell the kids? This HuffPost article addresses it in a pretty direct way, by age group. At all ages, it seems that the things children are most concerned about is how the changes will affect THEM, so anything you can tell them about staying in the same school or home or that they won’t have to choose between parents or leave their friends will be helpful. Unfortunately, at the time the children need to be told, parents won’t know the ultimate outcome of most things, like where everyone is going to end up living. So a parent walks the thin line of not making promises that can’t be kept, but also not communicating fear to the child.
Several years ago, I did this post about a good book by a Ph.D., JoannePedro-Carroll, that also addresses how to talk with a child about splitting up. I still recommend that book, and it’s still available.